


House of Kong

by desertroses



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: 2d is dead inside, Other, They're All Gay, also they're not a main character fyi, cyborg is alive and not a killer robot just chill, del is around and he & russ are gay, how the FUcK do i tag this, memes and dead dreams, murdoc is a grumpy greasy old man, noodle & cyborg go girlfriend hunting together, noodle is a genius, noodle kicks murdoc in the balls and 2D claps, russel is amazing keep it up, so fucking gay, this is a shitpost in the making, this narrator breaks the fourth wall and knows this is a story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 09:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11552247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desertroses/pseuds/desertroses
Summary: A shitpost in the making. Based off "House of Mouse" in which the band buys a nightclub. Really gay. A mistake.





	1. Before the Kong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prologue to our current situation.

Most people have heard of the Kong Zone, that one nightclub ran by the bass player of that one band, the monkey one. What is it, Apez or some shit? Gorillaz? What kind of fucking name is that? What are these guys even famous for anyway? That one song about sex or something. Well, to be fair, it's a good song. It's on my Spotify playlist. I sometimes listen to it when I pick up those fucking gremlins from whatever fucking sport or shit they do during the day. We all know they ain't learning SHIT in this fucking school district. What was I saying? Fuck, right, this drug-infused hip-hop techno ass bullshit "band". I probably shouldn't be bad-mouthing them since I'm already on their hit list, but fuck that, man! For all I know, they could be listening in right now. Hey fuckwads, what's fucking good? Fuck man, I've drifted off topic so fucking bad. What the everliving fuck? Continue. Anyway, this shithole of a band that isn't actually that shitty took a break after their latest album, Humanz. Which is full of fucking bangers. I mean, they got Grace Jones on this fucking thing? What the shit? How'd that happen? Props to you, Blur guy. I mean, what? What does Daniel Almond have to do with Gorillaz? Nothing, that's what! Yeah, so this fucking masterpiece of an album is released and they take a break from being a band for a little bit. And that's when our buddy Murdoc Fucking Niccals ends up doing the stupidest thing ever. He buys a fucking nightclub. When he was drunk. Which, I mean, is like 5o% of the time. What the shit are they going to do with a nightclub? Well, lemme tell you. The gay one, bless her heart, ends up taking the wheel from Crabby McCrustydick and revamping it into possibly the Best Thing Ever. A haunted sex-pumped 24 hour rave named after Donkey Kong. Sounds like my kind of party. A sex-minus-murder party filled with the biggest friends and foes. Russel Hobbs and that idiot lead singer went with it and good riddance too. The green, Satan-worshipping Mr. Crabs was a fucking lump of discomfort for everyone around him at all times (like all the time), but I really gotta hand it to that Noodle. She is a gift from fucking God. So that's it! The ghosts fill the place but add a bit of a kick to it all. That robot is there too. She's also gay. Everybody is gay. We're all fucking gay. What the fuck is a heterosexual? Never heard of one. Not in these parts. And I see them everyday. I do their accounting. Pleasant. At least I don't see the little hell demons more than once a week with this job. Welcome to the House of Dong- I mean Kong. Enjoy the night, kid.


	2. The Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noodle has a problem.

Noodle was fucking desperate. And I mean REALLY desperate. She hadn't had a girlfriend in years. And it shouldn't be this hard to get a cute girl's number. But fuck, Noodle had 3 things in her life cockblocking her all at once. The answer is fucking obvious. It's her bandmates. Who are basically her dads. While Russel tries to be supportive, he's kinda intimidating towards the variety of girls Noodle has tried (and failed) to get with. Stu is just kinda embarrassing as a whole. She knows he doesn't mean any harm, but holy fuck he doesn't think words over most of the times. Her deepest, darkest secrets pouring out of him at the worst of times. Like really, did he have to mention that pair of handcuffs she has in her closet? It's not for fucking kinky shit or anything, but thanks to 2D, everybody thinks she's into bondage. How the shit did that even happen? But the worst, oh the fucking worst of the 3 of them is Murdoc. Where do I begin? Allow me to present "Noodle's List of Shitty Things Murdoc Has Done To Possible Datemates."  
-flirted with them  
-actually had sex with one (gross!)  
-kicked them out  
-threatened to murder  
-kidnapped them  
-tried to drown in a pond  
-tried to feed them to a pack of geese  
-tried to run them over with the Geep  
-threw a brick at them while advertising himself  
And it's an ongoing list. Noodle is a sad, lonely, and tired lesbian who just wants a fucking girlfriend! Is that too much to ask? She wants someone to hold hands with and cuddle with and be cute with and all that. But you know what? She also wants to have sex! God forgive Tumblr says no to that. Fuck Tumblr! Noodle is no fucking stranger to the shit on that website. She's seen things. Horrible things. Things that she will never forget, no matter how much she wants to. All that ship art...makes her want to vomit. All things that lurk in her worst nightmares. Noodle won't hesitate to dropkick anyone who "ships" her with her bandmates into the fucking sun. Fucking disgusting. Burn, bitch. Shit man, what do cute girls like? Dogs? Nobody has a fucking dog here. I mean, Noodle does have Katsu, but putting a leash on that thing and parading it around town in hopes or attracting cute people didn't go so well last time. Someone almost died. She's not risking that again. And that's when it hit her. What do gay people like? Other gay people. And where do other gay people meet? Yeah, Grindr and shit, but in the outside world? Two words. Gay. Bars. She's a fucking genius.

"FAMILY MEETING! NOW!" She yells from her upstairs bedroom, stomping the shit out those ancient stairs, wielding Katsu, filling the boys with fear.

Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! Man, holy shit I'm excited for this. The first few chapters, fyi, will be telling the story about how this club came to be. Then the real stuff starts. Patience, young grasshopper.


	3. Update

Quick update. 

I'm currently working on Chapter 3 as of now, but I'm also working on a lot of other projects as well. I'll try to get the next chapter out in a few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can follow me on:  
> Tumblr: ladvin  
> Twitter: holdyourdeath  
> Instagram: jiaction

**Author's Note:**

> This is a joke. But I'm rolling with it. This is the first real fanfic I've ever written, so cut me some slack. Follow my Tumblr while you're at it. It's @ladvin. Please don't send death threats.


End file.
